Monday, August 9, 2010

Losing Weight

If I had known it would be this easy to lose weight I would have done it long ago. But it was never easy before; my head was in the wrong place, firmly embedded in pizza, beer, mayonnaise and peanut butter.

You see, hiding within a rolly poly Santa look-alike was a slender, decent looking, flirtatious man. I did not want to let him out. I was afraid of what he might do with only the slightest encouragement from anyone of the female persuasion. Having promised fidelity to my bride, it was easier for me to be flirtatious and fat, with no worries that I would ever be encouraged to break my vows.

Temptation became food, and food became temptation, and I was safe.

I did not realize how safe I had become, that its, how fat. It sort of snuck up on me. I recently saw a photo of myself in March 2007 and literally wanted to cry. Even in deep hiding, I didn’t want to look that bad, or be that unhealthy.

Slowly, over three years, I began to turn my obsession with food around. Diane did the same. But the weight loss was small and painfully achieved. Over that same three year period I realized that women liked me anyway and that my female friends were much more valuable as friends than they ever would be as lovers -- and more permanent. I learned that I was in no danger of breaking that promise to Diane and it was okay to lose the weight. For her. For me.

Diane reached the same point at the same time. It seems all our stars are aligning at once. And it became easy. Oh, it’s work. It’s vigilance. But my psyche is no longer battling me on this front. And the other fronts are, likewise, lining up.

I don’t miss mayonnaise or peanut butter. Someday, I might have a bit of pizza again, but I am in no hurry. Beer is an occasional indulgence, well planned for, as is a good straight shot of single malt. And I still cannot believe I get to eat this much food and still lose weight -- or that I went from a size 44 pants, tight, to a 36 in four months.

So thank you, Diane, for working with me and letting me follow your lead. And thank you, Me, for being ready when she was, for being willing to start over, rebuild, and change what needs to be changed.

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