If I Ran: Platform Dance

Having offered myself as candidate for the office of President of the United States of America, I am pleased to announce that I have already secured three votes. I regret to announce that all three are not residents of the United States, and therefore their votes will not count in a US election. However, this does reinforce my image as being popular overseas. I now wish to outline some of the planks in my platform, the issues I consider important and the ideals and beliefs that guide me. I do not belong to any organized religion. This puts me in the fastest growing single group of classifications on religion: non-affiliated. I believe that organized religions are nothing more than groups run by boys’ clubs who exploit the very principles and teachings for which they supposedly stand. I do not believe that war is a viable means of diplomacy. I do not believe that a multi-millionaire should pay less by percentage in taxes than I do. I believe in a tiered flat tax with no exemptions, exclusions or loopholes. I believe in equal pay for equal work. I believe in universal health care not driven by nor tied in any way to profits. I am pro life and pro choice: I believe ina woman’s right to choose and I believe in giving all the support and aid humanly possible once that choice is made. I believe in science and scientists. I want to see scientific inquiry and exploration engaged upon for their own sake, and allow the benefits to come to us as they may – and they will. I believe in education. I want to see the United States’ education system gain ground with an emphasis on teaching, not testing; asking questions, not just answering them; thinking and not just regurgitation. I believe in curiosity, but I fear that curiosity is dying in America. I believe that campaign funding should be scrapped altogether. Let there be a national referendum in the spring to suggest the top five people in each party the people want to see run, then those among them who want to run get their message out on NPR and PBS for free. I believe in equality under the law, regardless of the color of your skin, your sexual orientation, the denomination of your faith, or the size of your bank account. I want to end poverty in America and throughout the world. Poverty and hunger are not a part of nature. They are human mismanagement. Look only as far as our own borders: one in four American children lives in poverty. You don’t see them, but they are everywhere. Every night, children go to bed hungry. Some of them live right here in my county, Flathead, Montana. Yet we spend so much on our killing machines, to protect our corporate interests overseas. Make no mistake: people in the United States suffer while we deploy troops throughout a world no longer fitted to conventional warfare. I think it’s time to admit and understand that the most powerful nation in the history of the world, both economically and militarily, is in it for itself and that we are its slaves, not its masters. Break the chains. Vote for me.