Dear friends and family,
It is with a heavy heart that I announce my candidacy for President of the United States. This has been a difficult decision to make, but having been made, I plan to stay the course. Not only are my chances of victory slim, but I am actually not eligible to serve. This does not mean I am forbidden to run, and so I've put on my sweat shop sneakers and gotten on track.
Your support would be greatly appreciated.
I announced my candidacy on Twitter and intend to outline my platform -- which includes things I actually would DO if elected -- over the next few days. I realize that the Olympics are on and therefore politics has slipped into second position among American interests for the next few weeks. I think this may be to my advantage: both the President and Mr. Romney are otherwise preoccupied and I might get some points across before they notice.
My first point was this: it costs approximately a quarter million dollars to elect our President. That's a lot of dough for a $400,000 a year job. I say, lets see what zero bucks and a Twitter account can do!
Unfortunately, I cannot devote the kind of time needed to actually campaign. I must rely on whatever exposure I can garner from Twitter and my blog. I fully expect to run out of campaign funds by Friday. Wait, I don't have any funds right now. It's not an issue,
I just hope I did not announce too soon. Of course, I could set my sights on 2016. By then maybe we can get a Constitutional Ammendment passed allowing naturalized citizens to run for the highest office in the land. Knowing that the top spot was out of the question for me, I enever ran for any office before. If you can't reach the top, why bother? But my attitude has mellowed with age, and my wisdom has increased (not really, but it's a selling point). So there you are.
On Election Day write me in. It will not be a wasted vote: you will make a statement that you are as dissatisfied with the status quo as I am, and as disgrunted over the lack of activity in Washington. I call my party the DIP -- Disillusioned Independent Party. I was going to call it the IDP, but that sounded too much like a corporation or investment firm.
MORE TO FOLLOW!!!!!